One usually has a feeling of sadness when a family member dies, right?

Ok, well, since I didn't know Uncle Roy that well, I guess it's ok for me to be feeling oddly detached, right? I mean, my mom knew him way better than I did, and even she feels oddly detached.

But I feel so bad, ya know? Not feeling worse.

The thing that really gets me is that he was dead for a month before anyone even found him. A Fucking Month!!

I mean, really, how fucked up is that? They found him 5 days ago... We just heard about it few minutes ago...

Mom said he was the Black Sheep {I finally know what that means now...} of the family, but I feel like I should be sadder.

I mean, he's dead. He was a member of my family, and now he's dead. It doesn't seem right.

And what really sucks is that he was like, 50 years old or something. They're {Whoever they are...} saying that it was natural causes. They don't know for sure. They're doing an autopsy on him, and a tox scan and stuff... I've never known anyone who's had to have an autopsy before... I've only ever seen it on tv... like CSI..

Acutally, I think I know who They are. The Edmonton Police or something. That's where he lived. Edmonton. I guess that's where he died too...

I think Aunty Gochi's planning on having a memorial thingy in the middle of June for him... we have to wait to get the body back....

A fucking month. I still can't get over that. He had been dead for a month before anyone found him.

It's just wrong.

I feel like i should be crying, but I'm not. I'm not that sad. I mean, yeah, he's dead Long Dead, apparently, since they only found him 5 fucking days ago but he was family. I should be weeping or something, shouldn't I?

This just goes to show how heartless I really am... I can't even cry when a family member of mine is dead....

Its laughable how pathetic my life is. A month ago, I had no worries, or close to no worries. 5 days ago, the only problems I had were guy problems.

God, how pathetic and heartless I am. I really am the meaning of "Ice Queen"...

This is so fucked up... I don't.. I can't even write about it or something.

I only met him a couple of times... Uncle Roy... I met him for the first time at my Aunty Amy's funeral in '95. I tried to count how many beers he had. I think i lost count after 8... He showed up at Papa's funeral... I don't remember that. I cried at Papa's funeral. Now that I think of it, I think I remember seeing him there or something...

So... Uncle Roy is dead... I don't think I'll be feeling tomorrow....